these days

.... so i find it funny to myself that I go for someone who hates me and doesn't care for me but yet keep trying just a little harder. But I have someone who is there and wants to be by my side and take me to dinner and shower me with love and I am a complete Bitch to them.. seriously why do you make yourself unhappy when happiness is there. I have thought long and hard about this Process ans i have come to a mini conclusion that i am scared of change. #1 is the only thing in my life that hasn't changed in almost 3 yrs #2 yes i have known him for years and years but its a change its something new i have to start from scratch. like baking cookies it is so much easier to buy the dough and just toss it in the over every time than to sit there and make them from scratch when in all actuality the ones from scratch could taste better.

1. How do you tell a friend something when you know it will make them mad. I'm Bad at it so I steer clear.
2. I miss having Anna around while she was here it was seriously the best two day in forever..
3. I want a career I hate this Economy
4. I'm trying to go back to school. My brain is full of scholarship stuff and Fafsa stuff.
5. I think its weird to talk to people you don't even know at work. I like to Just work.
6. I miss cooking meals i just don't feel i have a big enough kitchen and i just don't have 30 minutes to do it.
7. I liked living like a grown-up
8. I'm trying so hard to fix my Medical Debt so i can buy a nice house.
9. Wanting to buy a house in 5 yrs.
10. Some times i wish i would have moved to Idaho when i had the chance.
11. can you like someones parents more then you like them?


All in all today was good.

As I am

It's so hard to just keep everything to myself these days. I used to be able just to walk in the door set my stuff down and talk about my day and all my feelings and also bitch about everything that went wrong. Now I come home and am either alone or here with a man who wouldn't understand what I was going through that day nor would he care. I can't talk about one friend to another without thinking it might be passed around. I am going crazy these days i just wish i knew who to trust and whether the words that splatter out of their mouths are truths or not. I feel so lonely lately even though i have friends around me 24-7 it's not the same.

on another note.. I have not one single moment to think now and days between job 1 and job 2 and picking up my daughter and dropping her off. I just wish i had more time with her. I just wish i had more time with me.
A song came on my work playlist today "One More Day" if you don't know it you should probably listen to it.. anyways It states If i had one more day with you I'd be wishing still One more. That's how i feel, i want one more day but after that day i want another.... is this too much to ask? I miss Him.. Blehhh

As for good news Anna is coming on Friday I am SOOOOOO excited. I am purchasing P90X and will be hopelessly devoted to it for the next 90 days and I am no longer the whitest Kidd you know thanks to tanning.